


You know, from TV?

by thedistantprince



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 23:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13985784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedistantprince/pseuds/thedistantprince
Summary: THB make a lot of references to film and television, which is pretty impressive in a world that has neither. What if these are memories from their home world that were too trivial and specific to be erased? What if they just don't notice that only the three of them and Lucretia understand what they're talking about? And what the hell must everyone else who hears them think?





	You know, from TV?

There’s a dwarf sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and looking like he’s waiting for somebody. Magnus figures this might be the guy he’s here to see, so he heads over and sits next to him. He is, no pun intended, dwarfed by Magnus’ size.

“Are you, ah, Gundren Rockseeker?”

“No, but as it happens, he’s my cousin,” says the dwarf. His voice is scratchy but forceful, like he spent all day preaching on a street corner and wore out his vocal cords. “Name’s Merle Highchurch. You here about the job?”

“Yeah, I saw it on Craig’s List…”

“Well, sit down, have a drink! Gundren’ll be here soon.”

Magnus orders a cider and chats a little with Merle as they wait, but the next person to come up to them isn’t Gundren. It’s an elf, strikingly beautiful, wearing about six scarves and a three-foot pointy hat. Magnus looks up and grins broadly.

“Hello there! Are you here for the job too? I’m Magnus Burnsides, and this is Merle. Pleasure to meet you!”

“Charmed, I’m sure,” drawls the elf. “My name’s Taako.”

Taako sits, and the three of them continue getting to know each other. The atmosphere is pretty convivial by the time another dwarf approaches.

“Ah, Merle,” he says brusquely. “I see you’ve made these folks welcome. I’m Gundren,” he says to the other two.

“Taako.”

“Magnus.”

“Boys, I’ll get straight to business. I’ve got a job I need doing. It’s enough to make the three of you very, very rich. In fact, it’s the last job you’ll ever need to take. But it’s pretty sensitive, so before I hire you, I want to know you’re up to it.”

Magnus is six drinks in. “Oh, we’re up to it, alright. We’re up to _anything_.”

“Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at what I do,” says Taako. “I’m kind of the guy you want when nobody else is good enough.”

“If you have a problem,” says Merle dramatically, “If no one else can help, and if you can find us, maybe you can hire… uh... us.”

“Wait, in this scenario, in this A-Team scenario, who are you?” asks Magnus. “I mean, I’m definitely B. A. Baracus-”

“Ooh! Ooh! Can I be Hannibal?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gundren interrupts.

“We…” Magnus looks blank for a moment, then shakes his head abruptly. “What?”

“You two finished?”

“Yup.”

“Alright. Before I give you this job, I wanna try you out on something a little easier-”

“No way are you Hannibal.”

Gundren looks over, defeated, to where Taako has been sitting silently.

“I mean, when has a plan of yours _ever_ come together?”

Magnus guffaws. Merle smiles goodnaturedly. “Ah, you got me there, buddy. You got me fair and square. How about Murdock, then? Can I be Murdock?”

“Oh, you are definitely Murdock, my dude. Don’t even play…”

Gundren slowly lowers his head into his hands. Merle’s never been what you’d call ‘reliable’ or ‘grounded’, but this is a whole new kind of nonsense.

Who _are_ these people?


End file.
